So this morning wasn’t great. We were running late and both boys were sat at the breakfast table crying their eyes out. Toby started it (not really sure why) however he was so distressed that Teddy started crying too. Joel and I were racing around trying to find keys, matching socks and snack money. Joel eventually left the house (20 minutes later than planned) he soon came back in and told me the car wouldn’t start.He rang our breakdown cover who informed us that our policy didn’t cover home call outs and so they would come out but they would have to charge us for it.
It turned out that a mouse has chewed it’s way through the diesel pipe…no wonder it wouldn’t start!!
I know that these things happen however it seems like one thing after another at the moment. Last week our boiler broke (in our new house which is less than 18months old…but sadly out of the one year warranty!) It turned out that the thermostat had gone on the hot water and so the water wasn’t heating up. Thankfully it wasn’t a massive job but it was another expense that he could have done without…as is the chewed-through diesel pipe!
Eventually the car was towed to the garage and Joel got to work.
I put Frozen on for Ted and went up stairs to finish getting ready. I stood in front of the mirror trying to make my messy hair look slightly more presentable. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. In that moment I felt God ask me, ‘what’s chewed through your pipe?’
I haven’t been very well this weekend, felt sicky, headachey etc. And although I felt physically better this morning I was emotionally pretty tired and worn out. I felt as if my car wouldn’t start, I felt as if my hot water wasn’t heating up properly.
I grabbed my journal and snuggled up with Teddy on the sofa. I just sat and wrote down all the ‘things’ that I felt had chewed through my diesel pipe in the past week or so. I soon noticed a theme. Disappointment.
Last week was the first week back after the half term holiday, it was the first week of Joel working four days, it was the first week that things should have started to change. As well Toby’s respite care starting during half term and we had pinned our hopes on that making a huge difference too. However if anything things were worse!
The purpose of Joel dropping a day’s work was to improve his health and work life balance. Teaching is tough. Teaching teenagers with additional needs is tough. Teaching teenagers with additional needs and having a child at home with additional needs is tough. However Joel wasn’t well enough to go back to school last Monday. He did however manage to go to work Thursday before his ‘day off’ on Friday. The plan for Friday’s is for Joel to get his planning, prep and marking done to free up his evening and weekends in order for him to have a break and actually get some rest rather than trying to juggle work all of the time.
I was feeling disappointed and worn out. Disappointed that things hadn’t worked out how we planned, disappointed that despite taking a large pay-cut we were still struggling to juggle everything, disappointed that I had missed out on a meal with friends as Toby was so distressed with the fireworks.
However if I don’t process this disappointment properly I can become angry and bitter. And just like the thermostat that needed replacing on our boiler and the diesel pipe that needed to be replaced on our car, I need to do something with this disappointment in order to function properly. The Bible talks about God turning mourning and sadness in to joy and gladness. And that’s exactly what I needed this morning! As today has gone on I’ve become more possitive and felt more at peace – the situations around us haven’t changed but my perspective has and that’s much more important than my circumstances!